Submitted by The Hater aka Davecat:
I love Hawaii. Like every special place on earth, they got heavy local pride. Heavy. If you don't watch your step, you can get a chin-check pretty quick, and then you go down like haole guy at Ehukai in December. Big Korean guy can blend in pretty good though. Still, sometimes I like to joke.
This one time, we went to my favorite local joint fo' grind, DONG YANG in Wahiawa. There were two big localboy Samoans sitting in the booth eating pages 2 and 3 of the menu. Wife and kids had gone around back to the restroom to wash up. So, in my favorite British accent, I say, "Oh good day, mates, my name is Paul, but you can call me Chip." Lucky for me, stink-eye can not actually stop your heart.
Right then, the waitress, my haole wife, and two beautiful hapa kids show up. And, in my best pidgin, "oh hello auntie, not very hungry today, so I think we just have some mandoo gook, one yukae jang, some meat jun, of course, one da kine noodle soup, and just one kalbi plate...oh, and maybe some extra kimchee please."
Never thought I could read minds, but pretty sure I heard the mokes think, "wat da fuck?" Next year, I'm gonna run for mayor of Maui.