Friday, July 9, 2010
Popolo Momona Wahine
Submitted by The Hater:
No matter what community you visit, anywhere on this planet, there’s always that one spot, if you’re not from these parts, you best go someplace else. On Oahu, that’s the (wild, wild) West side, home of Makaha Beach. To get there, you just head straight out Farrington highway and go until you can’t go no more. You'll know when you’ve arrived because you will see bumper stickers that say, “Welcome to Makaha, now leave.”
Still though, there's a real cool hometown vibe there. Families hanging out, barbecuing on the beach. Bombuchas riding long waves. Local kids shredding the shore break. Live bands playing parties in park. Shave ice trucks passing by all day long. Real mellow. It ain't no Disneyland though. It's the badlands for sure. But it ain't like people are kung fu fighting in the streets. No sharks with laser beams or anything like that. Then again, you could probably find trouble even in Newport Beach if you really tried.
This one time, on the way back from spending the day at Makaha Beach, we stopped in Waipahu at a 7-11 to get a cold drink. It was a little sketchy, not really the kind of place where you want to break down. And, we broke down. Car wouldn’t start for some reason. No clicking. No lights. Nothing.
So I got on the phone. Nice Filipino lady, “Aloha, welcome to Hertz, how can I help you today?”
“Hi, our car won’t seem to start.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, where are you right now?”
“Oh, we’re in Waipahu.”
“...what?!? Waipahu? What are you doing in Waipahu?”
“Oh, we were coming back from Makaha and...”
“...Makaha? What were you doing in Makaha? Tourists don't belong in Makaha.”
“Well, our friends suggested that we check it out so...”
“Oh my, you must not have very nice friends. Don’t move, I’m sending someone out right away. Stay in your car!”
Right at that very moment, a short, stout little black woman came running around the corner. She seemed panicked. And, then all of a sudden she lifts her sundress, squats down against the wall and starts to take a leak. “Can you believe it? They say they ain’t got no restroom! That’s some bullshit! Ooh, this feels sooo good! Oh shit, my feet getting wet!”
I was actually speechless.
And, as quick as she came, she jumped up and ran around the corner and disappeared, leaving a nice new river running along the side of the car. I swear she also left a skid on the wall but I didn’t investigate.