I have a friend named Pepe.
He's pretty funny and I like to keep a log of all the funny things he says and does.
Pepe: how come you get to have this stuff?
Pepe: all these t-shirts and parts and stuff, dude.
Me: what do you mean? because I work in the motorcycle industry.
Pepe: fuuuuck, I don't ever get anything!
Me: that's because you don't work in the motorcycle industry.
Pepe: yeah, but look at all this shit you got!
Me: all this shit? it's a few books, magazines, an air cleaner, some t-shirts and stickers.
Pepe: why do you get to have all this stuff?! how come you got two of those Alan Wright books???
Me: well, because I might be able to pass the book along and Alan can get more work.
Pepe: so what?!
Me: ...because people or companies like to give me product so I can check it out or hand it over to the right people.
Pepe: that don't mean shit, I don't ever get anything.
Me: you know how you work in the Hollywood film industry and you got to see the Spider Man suit before anybody else?
Pepe: yeah, so what?
Me: and you got to meet the Spider Man guy and hang out and shit... right?
Pepe: yeah, so the fuck what?
Me: I was at looking through our warehouse at work and I never seen any actors or the new Spider Man suit, there's only motorcycle parts! what the fuck? where's Spider Man!!!! I want to see his new suit!!!
Pepe: fuck... whatever, dude.
[a moment passes]
Pepe: from now on, every time somebody offers you something, just ask for TWO of everything so you can give me ONE.